


Since You Been Gone

by orphan_account



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/F, Kidnapping, PTSD, Rape, References to Depression, Torture, Wayhaught - Freeform, please don’t read if easily triggered, wynonna earp - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-12-21 05:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21069590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Nicole’s been captured by Bulshar, and the gang has just gotten her back. They learn to deal with her struggles as the curse is lifted and things go back to normal, but it leaves Nicole’s mind stuck in the past





	1. Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends! I plan to put out chapters every Thursday. Thanks for stopping by to read, also ⚠️ RAPE TW ⚠️

Nicole stared out the car window blankly. She couldn’t feel anything, couldn’t hear the words being spoken to her. She was too drained to respond even if she did hear what she was told. She could tell everyone was worried however, especially Waverly. Who could blame her?

After all, they did just rescue her from being kidnapped by Bulshar himself. 

She didn’t remember much about what had just happened. She remembered screaming, a woman’s screaming, but hadn’t yet comprehended the fact it was her own. She remembered Wynonna blowing his brains out while Waverly tried to block her from seeing it. It hadn’t worked, she saw it all nonetheless. There was so much blood.

Blood. 

She looked down and realized why they were driving so fast, they were taking her to the hospital. She was covered in it. Was it her own?

“Waverly?”

The brunette breathed a sigh of relief. Finally she had spoken. “What is it, honey? Do you need anything?”

“Why am I bloody? Is it mine?”

Nicole’s tone shocked her. It was so calm, so casual, as if she hadn’t just been tortured. She must’ve just been staring at her cluelessly because Nicole asked again. Waverly nodded this time. “Most of it is. You’re banged up pretty badly so we’re gonna get you checked out, okay?”

Nicole didn’t respond. She went back to looking out the window, watching the trees pass by. How long was she gone? A week? A month? Why couldn’t she remember most of it? 

While Nicole thought to herself, Waverly leaned up to Wynonna who was in the passenger seat. Doc was driving, probably going 90 in the 60 they were in. She lowered her voice and whispered, “Why can’t she feel pain? Why is she so confused?”

“It’s shock, babygirl,” Wynonna said calmly, turning around to brush her sister’s hair out of her face. “I’m sure it’ll clear up.”

Waverly sat back down. She just couldn’t do anything but stare at her girlfriend. She looked dead. After just a few weeks with Bulshar, it seemed he had driven her to hell on Earth. She was so skinny it was sickly, her eyes glazed over, her hair matted in blood and God know’s what else. That wasn’t even to mention all her scars and scratches and bruises.

Both girl’s trains of thought were crashed by Doc’s voice, but Waverly was the only one listening. “I’ll go in and get us a doctor for Sheriff Haught and someone to help her in.”

Nicole didn’t realize what was happening until she was being put on a stretcher and an oxygen mask was put over her nose and mouth. She remembered this feeling; fear. “Waverly!” she yelled, ripping off the mask and trying to sit up. She was getting restless because she didn’t have her girlfriend and she was the person to help keep her safe. She remembered feeling alone. Alone and scared. She refused to feel like that ever again. 

The doctors and nurses pushed her back down to the stretcher and one put the mask back on, despite the redhead’s protest. “You have to keep that there, hun, just keep breathing for me, okay? Slow, deep breaths.”

Nicole felt her eyelids drooping, she didn’t know why. She hadn’t been tired in weeks. Why start now? She looked down as much as she could to her wrist to see they had slipped in an IV.

“Fuck...” 

Before she had time to process anything else, she was knocked out cold.


	2. Strangers?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly realizes her girlfriend might be more worse off than she thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. Decided to post chapter two tonight, hope everyone enjoys!

Waverly sighs, looking at herself in the bathroom mirror. She couldn’t go back in that waiting room and do nothing but sit after she had just watched Nicole get torn away from her. Again. She couldn’t help but remember what it was like the night Nicole disappeared. She had called Nicole four times. She got off work at midnight that particular night and it was three o’clock with no texts or calls from her. She heard the news the next morning from Wynonna who had already sent out search parties and found leads. All directions pointed to Bulshar.

Three weeks and four days her girlfriend was gone. That meant twenty five days she was subject to torture and torment. Close to one thousand and five hundred hours of being alone. She dried her hands, shook her head, and went to go sit back down.

“What if she doesn’t turn out okay?”

Wynonna opened her mouth to speak, just opening and closing it in hopes something would come out. Something useful, a promise it would be okay soon, anything to give her baby sister hope. “Sweetie... Nicole’s saved and that’s what’s important. It’s going to be hard but we’ll all help her get back to who she was, or at least close to it.”

Waverly nodded. She didn’t want to but the thought of sleeping was just too tempting. Her eyelids began to droop and eventually she couldn’t take it anymore. She hadn’t slept so good in twenty five days. Nicole was safe.

She was safe.

She didn’t wake up until Wynonna was nudging her, saying something about Nicole being awake. She had never woken up and ran into a room so fast in her life. The doctors and nurses both stopped her before she made it into Nicole’s room though, telling her she needed to prepare herself.

“Ma’am, Sir,” a nurse said, pressing both Wynonna and herself back. Doc lingered behind them. “One at a time. Nicole’s just had a major surgery and is too out of it to be overwhelmed so much, especially after all she’s been through. We’ve got her scheduled for physical therapy six days a week, and counseling every day a week. Her left arm is broken in seven places, she has a minor concussion, stitches in every limb, and had to have surgery to remove a ruptured spleen. She’s severely malnourished and underweight. Depending on how well she eats, we may have to put in a feeding tube.”

Waverly swallows hard. She could feel Wynonna squeeze her hand. “C-can I go first?”

“Of course.”

She took a deep breath and stepped into the room. Nicole was laying there physically, but mentally she was absolutely vacant. She was just staring off into space. Almost emotionless. “It’s just the medicine,” she whispered to herself, “she’s okay.”

“Wave... Waves... Waverly!” Nicole gasps, “Get... Get out! Please! He’s going to come- to come back! He’s going to torture you too!”

Waverly reached out to hold her hand, the one not wrapped in a cast. “Baby, you’re okay. You’re in the hospital. You’re safe.” She didn’t know how to react when Nicole burst into tears, screaming for her to leave. It was the medicine. It had to be the medicine.

“NO! It’s the same dream, it’s the same dream!”

“Nicole. This isn’t a dream. I’m here, I’m right here, honey.” She brushed her hand against her cheek. “You can feel my hand, see? Wynonna’s been holding it so it’s a little warm but it’s real. I’m real.” She smiled and prayed to see her redheaded girlfriend smiling back. No such luck. Nicole just kept staring at her cluelessly.

It was like she was a stranger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you would like to leave constructive criticism keep it kind and respectful. Don’t hesitate, I love y’all’s feedback


	3. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole experiences anger for the first time since being rescued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. This one’s a little shitty buuuut I promised a chapter up today, so here it is! Hope ya’ll enjoyed!
> 
> ⚠️ RAPE TW ⚠️

“Do you remember anything about the incident, Ms. Haught?”

Silence. Nicole kept looking down, not looking that nosy ass woman they called a therapist in the eyes. Her name was Julia. Nicole didn’t call her anything. She was just another bitch who wanted to get in her business about things she didn’t want to talk about. She didn’t want to so much as so think about any of it but everyone was forcing her to. They just wanted to send her to an asylum, fix what was broken.

Why can’t they understand some things just can’t be fixed?

She shifts a little in her hospital bed and wipes tears that she didn’t even know were falling from her cheeks. Waverly reached out from where she was standing to try and comfort her, but it was no use. It was like Nicole didn’t even want to be near her. 

“What can you tell us about your arm? Do you remember how you got that?” Julia was pointing to Nicole’s left arm. It was casted and being held to her chest by a sling. 

Nicole looked down at it, to Waverly, and back to her. “I’m not obligated to tell you a goddamn thing. I’m not obligated to tell anyone what I went through because none of you will understand!”

Her voice cut Waverly like a knife. Her words were so sharp, so angry and defeated, nothing like her usual tone. Everything about her was different. The look in her eyes, at least the one that wasn’t swollen shut from bruising, was nothing but emptiness. She physically looked empty as well, it seemed even the smallest hospital gown was falling off of her shoulders.

Julia clearing her throat drew Waverly back to the session. Nicole was speaking a little bit now but looked clearly uncomfortable about it. “I don’t know how it happened. How could I? Half the time I was drugged out of my mind or so tired and starved that I was delirious.”

Waverly had to hold back her tears, she couldn’t let Nicole know how much her heart was breaking. Her throat was burning and it felt like she was being strangled. She managed to keep them back until Nicole said, “He told me no one loved me. That they would never find me. He’d tell me that before every new round of torture. Or every time he’d let one of his sidekicks rape the shit out of me.”

Nicole could see Waverly crying out of the corner of her eye. It didn’t make sense. She could say all of these horrible things that happened, yet she herself was emotionless during it. She could remember how she felt during it but it didn’t scare her anymore. She’d replayed it too many times for it to scare her. 

“There was more than one person?”

“Yeah,” Nicole responds, clearly done with talking for the time being. Every other question the therapist asked went unanswered.

Julia nods. “I think that’s enough for today. I’m glad you’re starting to open up. You did wonderful, Nicole.”

Nicole didn’t say anything in response. She laid back down and pulled the blankets closer to her because she didn’t like feeling cold. She would rather burn up in flames than feel even slightly cool. 

It was always freezing in his lair. 

“Nicole, honey, are you hungry?”

“No.”

Her blunt words hung in the air, the room was stiller than a picture. Waverly wished Wynonna and Doc were back with her but they decided to go home and get Waverly some things to keep in Nicole’s room. They were going to be here a while. 

“You weigh eighty six pounds. You’re dangerously underweight and going to need a feeding tube if you don’t eat.”

Nicole glared at her. “Fucking let them, I don’t care at this point.”

“Fine then,” Waverly snapped, “I’ll just go tell them you’re refusing to eat so they can go ahead and tube you! I’m tired of seeing you sitting here and rotting!”

“I don’t care, Waverly! Do you know what it was fucking like to get your fucking arm popped in and out of socket for hours on end when you ate more than one crumb a day?! Just get out! You aren’t helping me, you’re just making me more pissed!”

Without even a second thought, Waverly picked her stuff up and flew out the door. Maybe what they needed was space. Nicole didn’t need more emotional trauma than she already had. 

An hour passed. 

The redhead hadn’t noticed how alone she was until Waverly was gone. It got colder. 

She didn’t like the cold. 

For the first time since getting back home to Purgatory, she started to sob. She was so alone. And so cold. It made her cry even harder.

Because Nicole didn’t like feeling cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’d like to leave compliments or constructive criticism, keep it kind and respectful please! Ty for reading!


	4. Sing for me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole realizes how much she doesn’t want to be alone.

“Waverly, where are you? Nicole’s in hysterics for fuck’s sake!”

Waverly’s heart stopped as she listened to the voicemail from her sister. Leaving Nicole in this state was the dumbest thing she’d ever done. 

Without even a second thought she flew out the homestead and to her truck. The ride to the hospital normally would’ve taken thirty minutes or so, but she made it in twenty. When she was running to Nicole’s room she found Wynonna standing at the outside of the door to it. From the inside she could hear Nicole’s sobs, she was crying so hard she was hyperventilating. 

“She didn’t want me to come in. She just wants you,” Wynonna wiped a tear from her little sister’s cheek. “Just be there for her but please prepare yourself. It’s not pretty.”

Waverly nodded and focused on keeping calm as she was walking into the room. Nicole was ugly crying, had the blankets wrapped so tightly around her that she couldn’t move. She was sweating like crazy but it only made her curl up with the blankets more. 

“Nicole, baby, I’m here, I’m here! I’m so sorry I left-“

“Waverly!” Nicole cried out, “I’m so-so sorry! I’m s-sorry! I’m so fucking sorry! You didn’t- you didn’t deserve that- I shouldn’t have pushed you a-a-away! Please, baby, please don’t leave me again!”

Her heart shattered into a million pieces. She had never seen her so hysterical. Waverly crawled into the bed with Nicole, she made sure it was her right side so her bad arm wouldn’t be affected. She had to be careful around all the wires too. “Shhh, it’s not your fault. You got angry, okay? I don’t expect you not to. I love you.”

Nicole sobs even harder, burying her face into Waverly’s chest through the pain of her bruised, cut face. “I lo-ove y-you and-and-and I’m so-sorry.”

She was holding her as tightly as she could with the bandages and stitches. Nicole whispered for her to hold her tighter. She was trembling, her lips shivering when Waverly kissed them. 

“I-I-I’m so t-tired, can-can you hold me until I fall asleep?”

Waverly smiled softly. “Of course.”

“Can you sing for me?” Nicole’s voice was so tiny, she’d never heard the redhead sound so soft. 

“Always.”

Nicole closed her eyes, nuzzling her face closer to her girlfriend. Waverly sang the gentlest songs she knew. She went from Nicole’s favorite love songs all the way to the ones she would sing to her after nightmares. Eventually her breathing slowed, the crying stopped, and her grip on Waverly loosened. 

“Sleep well, baby,” Waverly whispered.


	5. Today Was a Good Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole’s first good day/night in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one should be easier on ya’ll’s hearts lol. Enjoy!

Healing is a slow, excruciating process. The up’s and down’s were insane and some days felt impossible. Especially the days in the past two weeks Nicole had been recovering. She was still trying to piece together what exactly had happened to her, her triggers, and how to express her feelings in a healthy way.

Julia, her therapist, had ended up helping a lot. She had gotten Nicole into painting when she felt sad or angry and eventually it would be good training for her left arm when it was out of the sling and cast.

Today, however, was a really good day. Waverly, Wynonna, Doc, and Jeremy were all in Nicole’s hospital room. Wynonna and Doc had brought her a cheeseburger from their favorite restaurant, no pickles of course. Waverly couldn’t stop smiling and congratulating her girlfriend because in two weeks, it was the first meal she had finished. They had to put in a feeding tube (which sucked ass) but it helped her weight go up into the nineties.

Jeremy had bought her a new set of paints and even swung by the homestead to bring blankets to help Nicole feel more at home. Or even make it slightly more comfortable in the cold, blank hospital room.

Nicole couldn’t stop giggling. For the first time since the night before being kidnapped, she was feeling something other than scared and angry and upset. She was feeling happy. Her paintings were looking amazing, all of her friends were there, and Alice was even coming home soon. The curse had been broken since _he _had died after all. He was dead. She didn’t have to be afraid of being caught anymore.

Unfortunately visiting hours ended, which meant everyone but Waverly had to leave. Secretly Nicole was starting to like the moment when everyone left and it was just her and Waverly. She had started to notice the little things she never noticed or appreciated before. Like how when Waverly would talk about something she was excited about, her eyes would sparkle like diamonds and her whole face would light up.

It was those little things she had missed when she was captured.

“Hey,” Nicole whispered, tugging on Waverly’s sleeve with a huge smile on her face, “I love you.”

Waverly pressed a kiss to her forehead. There used to be a cut there, the stitches were taken out the other day and it was scarring over. “I love you too.”

“I’m happy to be home.” Nicole ran her fingers along the top of Waverly’s hand, tracing mindless patterns. She saw Waverly smile a little out of the corner of her eye. She was beginning to get vision back in it. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

Nicole sat up as much as she could on her own. That way she could lay her head on Waverly’s chest, her favorite spot to be lately. She closed her eyes and let herself begin to drift off. “Today was a good day.”

“Yeah,” Waverly said softly, “today was a good day.”


	6. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole goes home for the first time in six weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I am so so sorry I haven’t updated like I usually do and that this chapter is obviously a filler and it’s nothing but shit, but I felt like I needed to put something out here. Please don’t judge too harsh, these past few days have been some of the hardest in awhile and I can’t promise as consistent updates now. Apologies in advance.

“I’m getting released!”

Nicole’s smile was bigger than Waverly had ever seen it. After three long weeks at the hospital, as long as Nicole went to physical therapy twice a week and counseling four times a week, the doctors determined she could go home. She was so excited she didn’t know what to do with herself. Doc had already taken all of her stuff back home, except for her blanket of course. All that was left was getting her into the truck and signing a few release papers.

Once that was all done, they were golden. Nicole was running as fast as she could to the truck. She was free!While bouncing up and down in her seat in the truck, she couldn’t help but smile at the thought of her own bed. Her own shower. Calamity. She had missed her so, so much.

Waverly hopped into the truck beside her and reminded her to buckle her seatbelt while she told Wynonna to step on it for Nicole’s sake. She tried to act excited to go back home, and she was a little bit, but all it did was open up a new world of triggers for Nicole. She already couldn’t go anywhere without a blanket attached to her, it was small things that would tick her off and it was no way to avoid them. Who knows what would happen back at the homestead?

The ride home felt like it took forever for everyone in the truck. Between the traffic, Waverly’s anxiousness, and Nicole’s excitement to get home, it seemed like years before they were finally there.

“Waves, come on!” Nicole yells, running to the door. Waverly couldn’t unlock it fast enough for her, and when she did, Nicole immediately was running to Calamity. “There’s my lil kitty! Hey, babygirl!”

Calamity was not as amused.

Before Wynonna or Waverly could catch up to her, Nicole had already been to every room of the house. Waverly and Wynonna sat on the couch while she ran around. Both of them were smiling like crazy. How could they not? With the way Nicole was acting it was hard not too.

“Nicole, honey, slow down. Your leg’s still stitched up in some spots,” Waverly reminded gently. That stops Nicole long enough for her to sit down. To sit and remember what it was like before him, before Bulshar took her from everything she knew. Her lips were shivering, her eyes watering.

Wynonna went on to her room to give them privacy. Nicole hated anyone but Waverly to see her cry and she knew that.

“I-I-I’m sorry I’m so emotional!”

Waverly didn’t say anything. She rocks her back n forth, snuggling her and her blanket closer. Sometimes her girlfriend didn’t want talking, she just wanted cuddles. Being on her own couch was so comforting. She missed it all so much.

“Shhh, just try and sleep. You have therapy early tomorrow. You need your rest.”

“I love you.”

Waverly pulled her closer. “I love you too.”


	7. Do I Look Like a Quitter?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole struggles with nightmares and recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I hope you like this one. Next chapter may be the last.

“Nicole, baby, you need to breathe.”

“I can’t! I can’t!”

Wynonna sighs in defeat, she can’t stand hearing the almost constant sounds of Nicole’s panic attacks through the walls. The worst part was the fact they slept on opposite ends of the house. It was 2:34 A.M. and Waverly had been up since midnight trying to calm her girlfriend down from another nightmare. This one must’ve been horrible. Wynonna herself only woke up because of how loud Nicole was screaming, it was always about the same memory. Every night everyone in the house would wake up with her screaming the same thing; “Please don’t hurt her!” 

It sickened Wynonna, she knew Bulshar had taunted her with the idea of torturing Waverly. Her and Nicole had gotten drunk the other night and Nicole spilled so, so much. Some of the things she said kept her up at night, even two weeks later. 

Meanwhile in the other bedroom, Waverly was trying frantically to calm her hysterical girlfriend. She was screaming her head off and clinging to her like she was going to disappear. And to Nicole, it probably felt like she was. “Shh... I’ve got you, I’ve got you! You need to breathe, please, Nicole!”

“I-I-I ca-an’t!”

“Just talk to me about what happened, baby, it might help!”

“I-I-It-It’s-It’s going-going t-to terri-terrify you-“

“It’s okay! You need to talk about it, that’s obvious,” Waverly grabbed her water from her bedside and pressed the glass to her lips, “You need to drink a little bit, your throat’s probably dry, honey.”

“He-he-he would- he would- say he was going-was going to torture you. And-and then he’d make me go through all the things-the things he said he’d do to you so-so I’d feel your future pain. He-he waterboarded m-me so many ti-imes,” Nicole cries like a baby, burying her face in Waverly’s shirt. She had gripped the shirt in her working fist and was sobbing into it like it was a tissue. Waverly didn’t care. She was more concerned about the tortures her poor, weak girlfriend had experienced. The more Nicole talked about them, the more she realized why tonight was so bad. All of the tortures had came flooding back. Waterboarding, broken limbs that had healed strangely, so much emotional torture, she was drugged so much. 

Waverly couldn’t do anything but hold her tight. She couldn’t take away the hurt. It was heart shattering but she had to stay strong. If she didn’t, Nicole would only get worse and worse. “You were so brave. You were so, so brave, love.”

“Why did he do that to me?! I did- I didn’t deserve it!”

“He’s not going to hurt you anymore, okay? I’ve got you, Wynonna’s got you, Doc’s got you. You’re safe now.”

Teary brown eyes met Waverly’s. She didn’t see anything in them except heartbreak and confusion. She was so lost, so confused lately. It felt hopeless sometimes, especially nights like tonight. Nicole didn’t speak to Waverly. All she could do was stare at her like she had never met her in her life. 

Half an hour passed before Nicole had calmed down completely, it was 3:00 in the morning now. Waverly wanted nothing more than sleep, while Nicole was wide awake. “Can-can we go somewhere?”

Waverly lifts her head drowsily. “What?”

“Can we go somewhere?”

“Babe, it’s three in the morning-“

“I know that,” Nicole responds crossly, “I want to go to that all night ice cream drive through, the one on the back-“

“-roads of Purgatory,” Waverly finished her sentence with a smile. It was one of their first dates, midnight in the middle of July. It was one of their favorite memories. “I’ll get my keys, you grab your blanket and mittens so your hands don’t get cold when you hold the cup.”

Nicole smiles a little. One by one, little by little, these bad nights were turning into good ones. She was a lot of things but someone who gave up wasn’t one of them. “I’m not giving up on recovery,” she grabs her blanket, her mittens, and her beanie. It was a Purgatory October after all. “Let’s go get that ice cream.”


	8. Pancakes and Bacon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, wonderful people. I’m sorry this is the end and that it’s kind of crappy and short, but on top of all my mental health issues I’ve just had a death in my family. I might work on new works soon I don’t have to commit as much too. I hope everyone enjoys this one last chapter 🥰

Waverly woke up to the sun shining through her bedroom window, her girlfriend sleeping soundly beside her. She had kicked off all the blankets in her sleep so she snuggled her back up in them for when she woke up. Nicole had been doing good the past two months. Her arm was mostly healed, she was down to therapy only once a week, and her anxiety had eased up little by little. She was still attached to her blanket and things, but they were working on it. 

It had been hard now that Winter was starting. Purgatory Winters were always freezing, so it was hard for Nicole to get ready to go back to work. She had finally passed her psych exam. Nicole wanted to jump full speed back into her position of Sheriff, and so did Waverly because she worked so hard, but she really wasn’t ready. Her PTSD had small, common triggers and it’d be a battle everyday. 

She shakes her head at the thought and went to go cook up some breakfast. She decided on Nicole’s favorite, REAL bacon and pancakes. Not vegan. When she walked into the kitchen Wynonna was already eating on what seemed to be her second bowl of cocoa puffs, while Alice was enjoying a glass of chocolate milk. She was four now, and had came home on Thanksgiving. Once Bulshar had been murdered there was no curse to worry about and no demons to come and get her. Her and Wynonna had been inseparable since. 

“Aunt Waves!” Alice giggles, setting down the cup and running to give her a hug. “Where’s Aunt Nic?”

Waverly picked her up and set her atop her shoulders. “She’s asleep, wanna go wake her up?”

“Yeah! I can see more when I’m on her shoulders! You’re too short!”

Wynonna snickers, “she’s not wrong.”

Alice soon ran off to go find her other aunt. She was the spitting image of Wynonna, but Doc’s bright blue eyes were there too. 

Meanwhile in wayhaught’s bedroom Nicole slept peacefully until she felt the toddler climb up onto the bed. Alice giggles and says, “Aunt Nic! Aunt Waves is makin’ bacon n’ pancakes!”

“Is she?” Nicole yawns as she rolls out of the bed to put Alice on her shoulders. “Want up, kid?”

She nodded excitedly. One of her favorite places to be was on top of her aunts’ shoulders. (Secretly she loved Nicole’s view more, she was so tall!)

“Morning,” Nicole smiles and kisses Waverly’s cheek. “Smells good, baby.”

“You’re just happy you don’t have to eat her vegan crap-“

“Wynonna! She loves my vegan bacon! Right, babe?”

“Um-“

“See? She loves it. And as for you,” she picks Alice off Nicole’s shoulders, “I’ve got two chocolate chip pancakes with your name on them.”

Once everyone had eaten breakfast, Nicole and Waverly went to their room for some alone time. Waverly was nervous to talk to Nicole about bumping down and slowing down some. She would just get upset and it’d ruin their day. Now everyone seemed content, Alice and Wynonna went to Doc’s, and Nicole was currently snuggled up beside her in bed. 

“Baby?”

“Hmm?” Nicole hummed, her voice muffled from Waverly’s shirt. 

Waverly hesitated for a minute, she sounded so calm and at peace and she didn’t want to remind her about what was holding her back. She already had to think about it constantly. But then again, it was for the best. “Honey, I don’t think you need to go back to being Sheriff?”

“Why?” Nicole’s eyes began to water. She knew this would happen. 

“Your triggers are left and right, things are starting to get better, I know, but you need to slow down.”

“No I don’t! I’m fine! The psyche test said so!”

“All I’m saying is bump back down a few levels. I know you’re capable, baby, but you need to do what’s best. You’re much more stable than you were but some days are worse than when we found you-“

Nicole burst into tears. “Can’t you understand I just want things to be normal?! I don’t want to go back down! I worked my ass off to be Sheriff and-and-and n-now it-it-it’s gone!”

“Shh,” Waverly held her close, “I know, baby, I’m so sorry. Maybe this time next year, okay? It doesn’t have to be for long.”

It took a few weeks for Nicole to realize she really wasn’t ready. She let herself bump down even if she hated it. She hated feeling small and insignificant. 

Eventually she started to find the road to healing was a long and hard one. But she had Alice, Wynonna, and the best girlfriend she could ask for. She stuck with her through it all. She never stopped looking. One day, and one day soon, this girl was going to be her wife. And for the first time in a long time, Nicole could truly say she was excited for what the future held.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to each and every one of you who read my story ❤️ These comments mean the world to me. Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to leave constructive criticism, please be kind and respectful. Hope ya’ll enjoyed!


End file.
